It's Finally Here!

Find The Perfect Partner That God Has For You!

Les and Daphne Crause

Whether you are widowed or divorced and looking for another partner, or single and wanting the right person to fill a gap in your life, the Lord has someone special for you.

Are you feeling frustrated and thinking that you will not find a partner? Maybe you just can’t seem to find the right person. Well, don’t be despondent. I want to share with you from my own experiences just how to get a partner who will meet your every need and desire and have you rejoicing at what the Lord has done and how good He has been to you.

God has the Perfect Partner for You

I really believe that the Lord wants a partner for each person, and one who will complement and fill the gaps where things are lacking in the other person. In the Garden of Eden after the Lord had created Adam he said, "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him." The Lord made man in such a way that he would only be complete with a partner at his side. Unless the Lord has specifically called you to be on your own so you can minister more effectively for Him, I believe that each person can find a partner and become one with him or her.

So let me start without rambling on any more! Just before I begin, I’d like to mention that I’m going to be writing from the point of view of a woman finding a husband, so I will continually talk about ‘him’. Nevertheless, the principles are exactly the same for a man looking for a wife.

If you’ve read my article on Bulldozing through Prayer Problems, I mention there about being specific in your requests to the Lord. It is important in anything you want from the Lord, but it is essential when you are looking for a life’s partner. This should be your starting point. If you’ve been praying, "Lord, I need a partner. Please give me one," the Lord will say, "Sure," but there will be very little for the angels to work with to bring your desire to you.

God Working on your Behalf to Find a Partner

The one thing I’ve learnt about the Lord over the past few years especially, is that He will NEVER impose His will on you! You have to give Him the authority to work on your behalf, and the angels need to know exactly what you want so they can bring it to pass. He could bring you a husband if you pray like that, but He desires so much to bless you and it gives Him pleasure to give you the very best, according to your desires. In James chapter 1 it says that God gives every good gift and every perfect gift. I believe we can stand on this promise for a partner.

Both times that I met my husbands I did what I’m going to share with you now, and the Lord honored my requests in a wonderful way. The first thing to do is to sit down with a pen and paper and think about exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. The spiritual qualities are the most important especially if you are looking for a Christian and wish to walk closely with the Lord and work for Him. Tell the Lord what you’d like him to be like. Maybe you’d like someone who’s already in the ministry so you can minister with him. If you have a burden to work with young people maybe you could ask for someone who’s already involved in that type of work so that you can flow with him and complement him.

Mental or emotional aspects come next. What do you want him to be like? Strong and macho, or loving and gentle? Do you want him to be a strong leader? Then you can include desires about what he must be like, generally. Maybe you want someone who likes skiing so you can enjoy the snow together, or if you enjoy outdoor life you can ask for someone who likes doing the same thing.

Finding a Partner: Making a List

Express your desires in the negative sense too. For example, if you absolutely loathe sports it’s not going to be good if your husband is a sports coach and is constantly at baseball games. If you do not want something, then make it known on the list as well. Remember, you’re beginning to form a picture of what you want, and when you have a clear picture in your mind then your faith can begin to form in a much better and quicker way.

Physical aspects come last, but they are nevertheless important. Must your husband be tall or short, blond or dark-haired? What color must his eyes be? Maybe you want someone who’s pretty slim and trim, or perhaps you want a well-built, strong, muscular person who likes working out and being fit. Just write it down as you think of it, and begin to visualize him in your mind. To me the physical side wasn’t a major factor to me. My present husband, Les is a bit shorter than what I was used to, but it wasn’t a big problem for me. I knew he was the right person and a few inches height difference didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to reject him just for this reason. It depends on you, though. You have to make the choice as to whether you accept or reject who you meet. The Lord will never force it on you.

When you’ve written all of these things down, take the paper, hold it up to the Lord and read out what you’ve written down. Say something like this. "Lord, I’m asking you for a husband, and these are the things that I desire in him…" then read out the list. Now stick it up on a wall or place where you will continually see it. Sometimes the fridge door is a good place or next to your computer.

Finding a Partner: Reviewing your List

Review your list out loud daily, preferably morning and night, and thank the Lord that He’s heard you and given you your heart’s desire. To make it more powerful, you can add some scripture promises to it, like "Whatsoever things you desire, when you pray believe that you receive them and you shall have them." You can quote that scripture, then read out your list and say, "In the Name of Jesus I thank you Lord that I have received my husband from you. He is …" and then read off the list you’ve made up. Remember, too, to visualize him as you speak out your list. Let’s face it, if the Lord brings someone your way and you haven’t got a mental picture in your mind of who you want, how will you know if he’s the right person or not?

As you continue to do this you may not feel anything building up inside of you, and at times it may seem that you aren’t likely to meet anyone because your circumstances seem to be pointing that way, but don’t give up. One day, suddenly, you will know without a shadow of a doubt that you have your desire. It’s kind of like a cork suddenly popping off a bottle. You just suddenly know you have him. The angels are working continually, and the Lord is directing things that you cannot see to bring about this desire. You just have to trust Him because He is working for you!

When you reach that point of knowing it is no longer necessary to confess your list unless you want to review it just for yourself. You should have a pretty good picture of what you want in your partner by now. Now all you have to do is thank the Lord and await His perfect timing to meet. Sometimes it can take a long time depending on what you’re asking for and how fussy you are. When my step-daughter prayed for her husband it took 3 years before she got her desire, and we had to move overseas for it to happen. I’m not saying this is what will take place with you, but the Lord could make a way for you to move your location or job in order to fulfill your desire. Just be open to His leading.

Well, now that I’ve given some pointers, here’s the ‘proof of the pudding’ so to speak! Here is our story to show you how it happened with us.

DAPHNE’S STORY

In 1989 I felt like my world would fall apart after the death of my first husband in January of that year. I had tended to rely on him a lot and he’d always helped me with decision-making and taking charge of things, so now all of a sudden I was on my own and responsible for things that would happen.

It was really hard for me to come to grips with things, but it didn’t take long for me to decide that I wanted another husband. I really believed that the Lord could give me one and felt I could ask Him for one because I knew He cared about me and wanted the best for me. However, at that time I didn’t know what I do now about exercising my faith. The only thing I knew I must do is to be specific.

So, armed with that simple knowledge and doing what I’d done before I met Mike, I made up a list of my desires of what I wanted in my new husband. I had had quite a lot of exposure to dealing and sharing with people on a more personal level while I was married to Mike, so I decided I wanted to carry on with this in my second marriage because I enjoyed it. I decided marrying a pastor might be quite a nice idea because I’d always wanted to get involved in full-time ministry.

A short while after all this I visited my ex in-laws in Durban, South Africa, and it was here that the Lord boosted my faith tremendously and really encouraged me to continue trusting Him. After a prayer meeting one afternoon the pastor’s wife of the church I was visiting gave a prophetic word. I knew without a shadow of doubt that she was referring to me because every fear, every doubt, and every concern that I had about being on my own was addressed in that word. The Lord gave me guidance and direction through it, and then at the end she said, "Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart." I knew exactly what she was referring to here – my husband.

That word gave me a tremendous boost of encouragement and I knew I just needed to trust the Lord. When I returned to Johannesburg where I lived, I had to leave my job because it became a bit too pressurized and I was battling to cope with it. I was rather devastated at the time, but the Lord worked it for good because He led me to work for a wonderful Christian guy who I already knew from Christian meetings we had once a week during our lunch break.

The Christian Singles Clubs

During this time I joined various Christian singles groups and wondered if the Lord would lead me to meet my husband at one of these groups. I also attended various Christian camps where I came into contact with a lot of other young people, but nothing seemed to materialize. I got a bit despondent at times, but still kept up my trust in the Lord.

Then after about 4 months of working for Stuart he showed me a magazine, one day, which contained an article about a Christian couple who ran an introductory club. He suggested I join them. I must admit the idea set off a spark in me, but I only got round to doing something about it a month or so later.

The club ran on this basis. You filled in a form of basic details, what you wanted from your partner, and what your basic desire was in a partner. I put there, ‘To marry a pastor and go into ministry’. I thought afterwards that maybe it was a little bit weird and a bit restrictive. However I later discovered it was exactly what I needed to put.

I was a member of the Club for 2 months and nothing really came up. I met one person and was phoned a few times, but I didn’t feel totally comfortable with them and they were not exactly what I desired in a partner. In the meantime I just kept busy and got involved in my work to try and keep as positive as I could.

Then one day I received a phone call from a guy who seemed to know quite a lot about me, i.e. the fact that I was widowed, how old I was, etc. He asked if he could ask me a few questions for a survey that he was doing for a Singles Association or something. I accepted, but he turned out to be rather disgusting and it turned into an obscene phone call.

The Enemy Interferes

I immediately thought maybe someone who was not a Christian had somehow got hold of my information, and thought it might be wise to cancel my membership and forget about it. Satan was just trying his last ditch attempt to prevent Les and I from meeting, because at the time I got the phone call Les was himself at the Club and had been given my name as a prospect. The very thing I’d put at the end about marrying a pastor and going into ministry with him was what immediately attracted him. Even though I wanted to cancel my membership the Lord prevented me from getting through to them by the allocated time that night.

I was outside in a flat on my property when I thought I heard the phone ring but wasn’t sure and decided to move it further down the house in case someone did call. As I walked inside to move it, it rang again and I ran to answer it. It was Les on the other end. I immediately felt a flood of excitement that practically overwhelmed me and I felt totally comfortable with him. Even though we were total strangers to each other, we talked for quite a while.

God's Perfect Partner!

We met the following evening and went to a musical presentation at my boss’s church. It was wonderful. When we returned to my house later on we had a prayer time because Les wanted to confirm that I was the right person. I didn’t need any confirmation. I felt totally at peace. The Lord gave him a prophetic word that I was in the right place at the right time. He also showed Les that He would give me the ability to look after his 3 daughters well because he had custody of them and I hadn’t had any children at all. They were 10, 12 and 14 at the time.

We were married 3 months later and the Lord threw me in the deep end to learn all about being in ministry. It was exciting and traumatic at times and not without stress as He revealed and discarded things in me that would stand in the way of me being effective for Him. But one thing I can say, He definitely gave me the very best. I’ve never had a more fulfilling 8 years than I have up till now. It was worth the wait to meet him.

LES’ STORY

Daph has told you her side of the story, so now here’s the longer version. Hey, you can’t listen to a preacher without getting preached at. (;-)

My pain and loneliness began when my wife of 16 years left me for someone else. This was devastating and nearly destroyed my ministry. I will not go into any detail about this, but I have said more in my article on Divorce, where I have covered some important principles involved where Christians are divorced. Suffice it to say that I was left as a single parent, with three young daughters to care for and a life of extreme loneliness.

The Lord had taught me many things concerning living a life of faith and trusting Him for answered prayer, but it had been over 16 years since I had ever faced a situation of having to find a partner. It was difficult enough when I was a single young person, and since I didn’t have the kind of physical qualities that would attract most women, I was placed in a rather frightening situation.  Coupled with this was the fact that I had three daughters that my new wife would have to accept.  It made my chances pretty slim.

But I knew that with God all things were possible, and I knew that I could trust the Lord to bring me another wife. I had faced problems in my previous marriage through having a partner who did not fully share or understand my commitment to the Lord and the ministry that he had given me. I was determined that when the Lord brought me a new wife, she would have to fit into some very specific qualities.

A Picture of the Perfect Partner

So I began to formulate a picture in my mind of the kind of wife I would really like to have. This was something I had been doing for a long while, even during my previous marriage. Though I had never entertained the idea of ending my marriage, I had always prayed and hoped that the Lord could change my wife and give her some of the qualities that would make her a perfect helper for me in the work of the Lord.

Now that I was freed from the previous marriage, through a series of events that left me legally and scripturally free to remarry, I was very specific about the kind of wife I wanted. She would be first and foremost someone who really loved the Lord and wanted to give her all for His Kingdom. She would be prepared to stand with me in the ministry and minister at my side as a true helper.

And since I had learned that the Lord always gives good things, and He had promised me the best, I also laid out some specific qualities as to talents, abilities and even physical characteristics. Shortly afterwards the Lord gave me a vision, in which I saw a lanky woman with short blond hair, slightly taller than me and much younger looking than my previous wife. I figured I would be marrying a much younger woman, and also realized that she would possibly be young enough to still want children. I warned my own children that they might have another sibling once I remarried.

That done, I daily praised the Lord for my new wife. As I prayed I saw the angels of God surrounding her and me and bringing us together. I began to write poetry for her in advance, telling her how much she meant to me, and looking forward to the day we would meet. I began to pray for her daily, wherever she might be, and asked the Lord to somehow join us together in the Spirit and seal our relationship so that nothing could prevent us from meeting each other.

And then I stood and waited. I knew that the Lord would choose the right woman for me and that He would bring her to me. Since I was involved in ministry, I figured that one day I would probably be standing there preaching and this woman would walk in the door. We would see each other and both know instantly that we were meant for each other. But alas time went by and it did not happen. The loneliness particularly over the weekends was unbearable. And I cried out to the Lord to do something.

But the Lord first began to deal with my attitudes. He showed me that I needed too badly, and that I should need no one but Him. I had needed my previous wife too much, and had depended on her strengths at times instead of being what the Lord wanted me to be. The Lord reminded me also that I had responsibilities to my children, and I needed to get my life in order before He could bring me the right partner.

As I began to see these things and deal with them in my life, I came finally to a resolve that I was happy to be where the Lord wanted me to be. And I was happy to wait until the time was right for a new person in my life. I told my children that I did not expect to find a new wife for a while yet and that I was going to give them more attention.

Then one night as I was reading the Word, the Lord drew my attention to a passage of Scripture that just leapt out at me. It was the account of where Saul had disobeyed the Lord and had been rejected by God. Samuel was praying to the Lord and weeping for Saul. He was grieved about what had happened. And God told Samuel that he must stop weeping for Saul, but go out and anoint someone else to be king. God told him to go the house of Jesse, and that when he arrived there, he would be told which of Jesse’s sons would be the new king.

Letting Go of the Ex-Spouse

Then the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He told me to stop grieving over my ex wife and go find a new one. He also told me that He was not going to choose my wife for me. That was my responsibility. However He said that He would show me where to find someone suitable. I was to go looking like Samuel, and when I got there He would tell me who the right person was. This was the first time the thought ever entered my mind that I might have to go and find a wife. But where do I look?

Not long after this I was riding along in my car, when I saw the headlines for the local news, and it was concerning a huge earthquake that had shaken California. I don’t normally buy the newspaper, but the story interested me, so I pulled up to a newsstand and bought the paper. I took it home, but actually didn’t get around to reading it. Then my children came to me and started to nag. We had found a couple of mice in the house, and they insisted that the best way to get rid of them was to get a cat. The nagging part was because they knew how much I love cats. NOT!!

Anyway, the paper finally became useful, and I picked it up to check the smalls section to see if anyone was giving away cats. There didn’t appear to be any, but as I scanned the pages I came across the personal section, and there I saw something that stood out at me. It was an advertisement for Christian Singles. I thought this was unusual for the newspaper and it caught my attention. And sure enough as I looked, I found two advertisements for single Christians. Something inside me began to wonder if God was talking to me.

I then picked up another newspaper, which was a free local distribution and out of interest looked to see if they had any single sections. I couldn’t believe my eyes. They also had one for Single Christians. I began to seriously wonder whether the Lord was telling me to join a singles club. But this went against everything I had expected. I had heard negative stories about singles clubs, and I figured that God was going to do something a bit more miraculous for me. Besides that meant a bit of work for me.

During that week I could not get the idea out of my mind. So as the weekend drew near I picked up the latest edition of our local paper and checked again to see if there was an advert for Christian singles. There was no sign of anything close to it. I then started to seriously consider the fact that it was God who had led me to find the previous ads. I felt strongly drawn to the first advertisement I had read, and I called the people to find out how they worked.

After a long talk with the husband of the woman who ran it I found that this couple did this as a ministry and had put many different Christian couples together. I was convinced I needed to go see them. And when I did they gave me several suitable young women to contact. I took these home and sat down on my bed reviewing each one, asking God to direct me. I didn’t just want to find someone to go on a date with. If this was of God, then one of these women had to be my wife. But which one?

It was very easy to see which one was the most suitable, and as I prayed the Lord confirmed to me that she was to be the one. She had written on her resume that she wanted to marry a pastor and go into ministry. As I looked at some of the other things she had said about herself, several of the other qualities I had asked for were already evident.

The First Phone Call

So I picked up the phone and called. It was a nerve-wracking experience. I had not done this in years. And to make things worse, there was no answer. Daphne had been outside in the outbuildings speaking to someone else and did not hear the call. I wondered if I heard the Lord right. So I tried another number. It was occupied, so I figured that maybe I shouldn’t be calling that one. Then I tried another number and it just rang. I went back and tried Daphne’s number and it was engaged. Now I knew that she was home.

The final call a while later ended everything. Or should I say, it started everything. We immediately felt comfortable with each other and spoke for a long time. My children told me afterwards that they were eavesdropping at the door, and they said it sounded like we had known each other for years. Daph has told you the rest of the story. It did not take long to know that we were the perfect match for each other and the closest that could be found to both our desires.

I proposed to her two days after we met, with a carnation, a small gift and a huge Valentine card, in which I had written my proposal as a poem. It was the most exciting and romantic time of my life. The Lord honored His promise. He gave me the best. He gave me everything I asked for in a wife. I just wished I had known some of these principles at the beginning when I was still young and single. I could have been spared so many years of pain.