Finding a Marriage Partner

Les D. Crause

Have you ever been for a job interview? When you went to try and find a job, did you walk in there arrogant and proud thinking, “Well, I’m really going to grill these people to make sure that they give me the right kind of benefits that I want”?

Did you walk in there with a full list of questions that you wanted to ask your prospective employer, and you were planning to hit him, one after the other, until he bowed to you and said, “Okay I will give you what you want!”? No, usually what you have to do is sit down and you think about all the things you are good at. You discover all your talents and wonderful abilities. And if you really want the best job, you develop those abilities.

You go to college at night and study, you do apprenticeships. You do all sorts of things to become the best at what you do. And then you write out this long C.V. (They still call it C.V. in some places. In other places they call it a Résumé.). You hope that maybe, you might just impress them enough that they will give you the job instead of somebody else. And when you succeed, you think, Wow this is wonderful! I got the job! You get excited. You go tell everybody, “I got the job!”

Single No More - Step 1

When we come to trying to find a marriage partner, we often try it the other way around. We say, “Okay, I need to go and find a person out there that matches what I want, a person who is suitable, the kind of person that I think I could live with for the rest of my life. He must have “this, this, this and this”. She has to have “That, that that and that”. Then we make it clear what is not acceptable.” And you make this whole big list, none of which you are offering, but what you demand from somebody else.

And you put yourself up on the singles site, and you say “this is the kind of person I am looking for.” Well how many jobs are you likely to get if you took that approach? So you are still single. I wonder why?

Discover Your Talents

Could it be that you have failed to discover your talents, and develop them, and present them, and sell them, to a suitable prospect? That’s where most christian singles fail. You see it’s the same with believing for success. You have this goal that one day you will be a millionaire, you will drive in this kind of car, you will live in that kind of house. And all the time you are thinking: “My circumstances are going to change, everything else is going to change, everything I want and desire is coming to me, but I will still be me, I will not need to change. “I will remain the same miserable rotten useless nobody that I ever was. And the money will make all of the difference.

Because even though I am still a big time loser, at least I will have money, and everybody will now sit up and take notice. “ It’s the same with marriage. “Well look, if I can just go and find out the perfect guy, if I can find out the perfect woman who will match me, who will do what I require, who will meet all my needs and desires – then things will be fine.” But me change? No, I don’t change. I have to change the other person. You know the old joke they always tell at the weddings, “I’ll alter him?”

Have you heard that one? Let me tell it for those that haven’t heard it. The bride was preparing for her wedding day and she was very nervous about getting it right. So the minister said to her, “There are just three things that you must concentrate on. First, when you arrive at the church you have to walk down that aisle. And then as you walk down that aisle, just keep your eyes on the altar at the front of the church and walk and come and stand in front of the altar. Once your groom joins you, the minister will invite everyone to sing a hymn.” So as she stood at the church and got ready to walk inside, she said to herself, “ Aisle, Altar, Hymn.” (“I’ll alter Him”)

Single No More - Step 2

A lot of people go into marriage that way. “I’m not going to change! I’ll find somebody who is pliable, who I can change to make into what I want. I will make him into the perfect husband; I will make her into the perfect wife.” And you know, a lot of people find somebody like that. But that’s when the trouble begins. And that’s why most marriages end up in the divorce courts. Prepare yourself first, you should not be trying to prepare Him, or Her, because you can’t do that yet - you haven’t even met.

Single No More Preparation

What you have to do is to start preparing you. You are the one who must change. If you don’t change, then even if you do get married, you could end up in divorce. Or you will live a miserable life. Sure, you found somebody who was prepared to accept you, sure you found somebody who may have even met what you required, but do you meet what that person required? Marriage is not two people living their own lives in the same house. Marriage is a partnership. Marriage is two people becoming one. Now why is it so important?

• Because there is more at stake than your future happiness. The Kingdom of God is at stake.
• Because the Kingdom of God is founded upon the family.
• Because God works in a team.
• Because God works when a husband and wife come together and become one. God takes what is in the two of them, combines it together, highly multiplies it, and amplifies it, and great power comes forth.

If you marry the wrong person, that will not happen. You might spend the next 20 years trying to make a good marriage, but you will not be of much use to God or to man. So get it right from the beginning. “Well, yes I need to get it right. I need to find the right partner” you say. So now I’m very nervous about getting the wrong person. I’ve been through 20 guys, and just none of them seem to feel right. Did you consider the fact that maybe, you are the one who wasn’t right? What is the key? The Three D’s Preparing yourself means you have to use the three D’s.

Single No More - The 3 D's

1. Firstly you must discover your gifts.

2. Secondly you must develop your gifts.

3. And thirdly, you must demonstrate your gifts.

If you don’t apply the three D’s, marriage will not work.

The following was an excerpt taken from the Single No More book.